what's going on in her head today?

A funny but seemingly true new bumper sticker

2006-12-10T20:50:00.000-08:00

My roommate told me a funny thing the other day. And I thought it would be a great bumper sticker:

"When people get behind the wheel, their IQ seems to drop 100 points."

I thought that was funny and sometimes it feels like that. Just wanted to share that with you.

Mom, Dad, I forgive you

2006-12-08T13:06:00.000-08:00

Note: this poem has nothing to do with my parents. My parents are great.
Mom, Dad, I forgive you
by Brandy Morgan

There they stand
awkward of what to say
There I stand
words not ready to be said

My heart rages against the past,
rearing its ugly head.
Still they stand there,
two slaps out of nowhere.

My mind opens the past,
Little sharp fragments appear.
The floor I sat, my doll and all,
touching broken glass.

Scared to move, to breathe.
In the corner to hide,
refuge I sought
just to find no way out.

Fists and feet clutched me
The earth shook inside
The white-washed wall
the secret screamed in lone ears.

Years ago, it was.
Yesterday still feels it.
Today says to forget it.
Tomorrow refused to come.

Anger and fists want to fight.
Pay back seems right,
revenge seems sweet only
to hold me back inside.

I just want out just
to let go of the war,
pounding me deeper
in this endless black hole.

Upwards I turn,
No hope from inside.
Deep abyss of anguish
deep cry for forgiveness.

A wave washed over me
Cleansing from within
The freedom to let go
the freedom to live again

The weight of the flu

2006-11-16T22:03:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days I have had the touch of the flu. I thought it might be food posioning but I'm not sure. I'm better than I was but my energy level is still low, slowly rising though. I've been kinda depressed the last couple of days. I know it is because of me being sick and all but it is hanging on. I think I'm concerned about my future and how I do want to be a writer. I feel like I have to know everything right now, but I don't. I feel like I'm so far behind on where I'm supposed to be, on people's expectations of me. Then, again, my precious Savior, reminds me He is my guide and will show me where to go. For me to stay faithful and try the open the doors He has laid out for me. That I will trust in Him and not to fear. If you could pray for me in this, I'll be very much appreciated. Thank you!!

Election and God's sovereignty

2006-11-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the big day for voting. Trying to figure out who will win and who you actually wanted to win. Well, I wasn't too happy about the outcome, locally or nationally. It actually made me upset, realizing a lot of people don't really understand Iraq and the war on terrorism. I know that is the main reason a lot of people voted the way they did. Terrorism is a major issue and we can't ignore it. It does cost us for our freedom. I would recommend to people to really research things and not just hear what the newcasts say. They don't always tell the complete truth. Okay, I'm starting to get worked up again. Man, I have to be careful on this. Its easy to get caught up in all this. Our precious Lord reminded me last night that He is in control of all things. He places who He wants to rule over us. And that I need to trust Him. I'm thankful for His faithfully reminding me His amazing truth over and over and over and over and over.......

2006-11-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

I was walking over a hill near my school and I was lost in my own little world. And then suddenly, I noticed the amazing sky. Even though it looked stormy, it was beautiful. It dawned on me how much do we are so focused on our stuff, our lives, our priorities, we forget to look around us. To be reminded again why we are here. I mean, our lives isn't really about us, is it? It is about Jesus and sharing His love with people. I think I might be repeating myself from my other posts, but we all need that constant reminder of Jesus. I pray you all are spending the time with our Savior. He is the most important. When I saw the sky, I just breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, knowing my Jesus will take care of me.

Stop to smell the roses

2006-10-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been in awe of God's creation. Well, i guess I can't say 'lately' for I'm ,most of the time, at awe of God's creation. But, with autumn here and all the gorgeous colors around, and the chilly, crystal-clear nights with the moon shining so bright, the Lord takes my breath away. One friday night, my friend, Dari and i were leaving Home Fellowship Group, and it was really foggy. It was so beautiful. I told her to be silent. and just listen. It was so quiet. The whole scene was amazing. Okay, hopefully you don't think I'm a freak or anything. For me, I've always been aware of God's creation and how beautiful and how it reflects such a loving, gracious, merciful, beautiful, mighty God. I hope you will take the time to notice the Creator's work and worship and praise Him through it all. Have a great night.

Forgotten but still reachable

2006-10-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I know how busy life can get. You can even forget if you are coming or going or what's up or what's next. This morning, I was reminded again why we are still here on earth. To witness to people who are lost. Who need our Savior, just like we need Him. I do homecare, taking of people in their homes or in retirement homes. This morning, I took care of a man, who was a sweetheart, and I helped him into the dining room for breakfast. As I sat down, I looked around me at the other elderly people. Some smiled. Some said hi. Others were busy talking with others. Then, some who looked so sad, so depressed, so alone. My heart was breaking. I wondered if they had family who cared for them or if the family just dropped them off and leave, hardly ever stopping by. Or maybe they don't have any family left. And what is their life story? A lot of them in there was about 80 years old. 80 years of life, of change, of heartache, of love, of anger, of joy, the list goes on. What really stuck out to me is if someone dosen't know the Lord for so many years, how merciful and gracious God has been to them. God's love is impartial. He loves them. I have a suggestion for you. Reach out to an elderly person. Just a smile and hug is enough. Or you could spend some quality time with them. You will learn so much and if they don't know the Lord, you have an amazing opportunity to share Christ with them. Have a heart of the lost, no matter how old someone may be. And be a friend to them. It wont be useless. Pray about it. You may be surprised.

Focusing on the grumpy part of life

2006-10-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

Focusing on the negative is something I'm good at. Which, of course, needs to complaining and so on. I listened to a radio program with John MacArther( did I spell that right?) and he was talking about having a thankful heart. And, yes, my negative focusing heart was very much convicted. In Romans 8:28 does say "He causes all things to work for good who love Him and are called to His purpose". And in 1 Thess.5:18(or 17) it says "In everything give thanks to God for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Putting these together, you have no reason to complain at all. I've been praying to see ways to thank God throughout my day and boy, He is faithful. In the smallest thing like a green light on the road, to an amazing sunset to a quiet moment with my God and Savior. Even realizing how a certain relationship in my life, which ended and as left me heartbroken, God has protected me and He knows whats best for me. Even though I'm struggling with this painful time, I trust Him who loves me and knows what is best for me. I just challenge you to ask the Lord to see Him work in your life day in and day out and to have a thankful heart. He is faithful!!

Through the eyes of a Martin Luther

2006-10-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a poetry class in college and am enjoying it. Lately, I've been reminded of Martin Luther and how the Lord mightily used him. I wrote a poem about him. Its not quite finished. Tell me what you think.

Confusion dazed my eyes
One thing is said, another is written.
Love of God traded in for the love of money
Lies and deception rules the day

Word of the One above
Grace alone is anthemed
Turning to God, a Savior is found
not the teaching of the "holy city"

Truth I teach, not lies of another
against the minds of the times
Ninety-five lights in a dark place
sets the world on edge.

Regrets not known, Jesus I follow
The will of Him, leading me all the way.
His truth sets me free and
He called me home.

Long time, no write

2006-10-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone!! I know I haven't written in a couple of months so here I am. Here's an update. I started college to get an AA of fine arts in written arts. Writing has always been a dream of mine and I pray that the Lord will be glorified thru it. I'm still doing homecare, taking care of the elderly and handicapped kids. Loving it, but I do need more hours. I think the big thing for me right now is my relationship with the Lord. He has been cleansing my heart of some idols that I didn't realize were there. He had to end a relationship with someone special because it wasn't right for me, and my heart was focused on the relationship with this person than on God. I'm still dealing with the death of my grandmother. The one year anniversary is coming up and my family and I are feeling it a bit. Please keep us in your prayers. Right now, my heart fills so full with joy of the Lord, yet heartbroken over that ended relationship and my grandmother. Just pray I will cling hard to God and that I won't dwell too much on the hurt. He is everything I need. He is so good and seeing how His hand has guided and protected my steps. He is my Savior, my best friend, my beautiful Jesus Christ. Thank you for reading

A breaking heart and some advice

2006-06-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

I need some advice. There is someone in my life who is breaking my heart on some things and I was wondering how I could handle it. Right now, I feel angry and hurt. The good thing is, that God is helping me to not to dwell on it but I know that I need to forgive this person. Please pray for me. If there is any advice, please feel free to comment. Thank you!!

How amazing God is!!

2006-06-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

This morning, I went to the ocean, or more accurate, Puget Sound. I was feeling really nervous about something major in my life and my heart and my mind was really focusing on this problem. Well, when I got to this beach overlooking a part of puget sound, the Lord amazed me at how wonderful His creation was as I was watching the waves and the ferries going across the water, to the seaguls and the islands around the area. And, just being there, my problem didn't seem so big and the Lord reminded me I will be okay no matter what happens. I felt myself relaxing and smiling. Thank you, Lord, for being my comforter and my hope!!

The yes girl

2006-06-03T21:49:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been so tired. Emotionally more than anything. One of my friends pointed out to me that I want to please everyone and I do care about them and so if they ask for help , I always say yes. And I usually cram as much in as I can, not giving people the best of me. If that makes sense. My friend reminded me that I need more balance with things and not saying yes all the time. Of course, that comes with lots of prayer and discernment. I mean , I don't want to only be thinkin of myself, you know? So, please pray for me as I try to balance people in my life with the rest of the things I got to do and still getting the rest I need to. Thank You!!!

Adventures of 'Lucy and Ethel'

2006-05-17T22:48:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I have known each other since elementary school and we are really close. And when we get together, we like to try new things with interesting results, kinda like Lucy and Ethel. We are thekind that likes to try a road we havent been on, just innocent fun things like that. Last year we went to the ocean with her mom and brother and his friend. We got to ride mopeds and that was fun. Okay, well, most of it anyway. There is a reason they say don't drive on dry sand. you get stuck. And you really do and the mopeds weren't exactly light either. And my roommate's mom wanted to take a pic so I tried to turn my moped around and crashed into her. She didn't get hurt. We had a good laugh. Also last year we went to this lake that her whole family goes to every year and well, I only had one day off and it was 3 and a half hours away. I still went and took one of our friends with us. We got there at 11:30am and left about 6pm and of course, I had to have a mocha. We got home about 10:30pm and then I couldn't sleep. Imagine that. And I had to get up at 5am. That next day was so not fun. I don't recommend that. This year we are going again but, don't worry. We are taking more than a day off. And a couple of years ago, we were going to take one of our friends to college. We left on Friday afternoon and spent the night at a friend's house 3 hours away. We didn't leave until 5pm and we were thinking to drive for about 4 hours then spend the night again at a motel and go the rest of the way on Sunday. But, Saturday night was crazy. When we were ready to find a motel, we couldn't find a cheap enough one. So we kept going. We stopped at this one that only room they had was the pet room. So we checked it out and we almost said yes when the manager told us to look into the bathroom before we decided. Oh, gross!! Grimy, grimy. He said they were in the process of remodeling. Well, as you guessed it we said no. We kept driving. There was a motel sign so we went off the freeway, but the sign said it was 6 miles away and it was pitch black. Um, no way. So on the freeway we go again. We finally got to a town and checked one of the motels. they didn't have any room but they told us that there was room at a nearby motel. We got there and yes!! We found a place to sleep!!! And we found out that was the only motel from there to over 130 miles that had any rooms left. The Lord was watching out for us. He is good. Well, we left about 8:30am the next morning and drove the rest of the way. That day we ran into big thunderstorms and so much "road work", it was crazy. And a scary thing happened, another friend called me on my cell and I started to talk to her and a lightning bolt came down and went right over our cars. Oh man. I knew better. I'm thankful that God protected us even in my stupidity. Well, we finally got to our destination at 6pm. We got a motel and toured the city for a couple of hours. Then , my roommate and I needed to go to sleep because we had to start driving at 3am to get back on Monday because she need ed to be at work on tuesday morning. So we left my friend who was ready for college, and my roommate and I started driving. We finally got home at 7pm. totally exhausted. So thats a few adventures of my roommate and me. All I can say is learn from our 'mishaps' or our stupidity.

To live is Christ

2006-05-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

I was reading in Phillippians and in the first chapter in verse 20 says "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." And in Galations 2:20 goes along with it: "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and delivered Himself up for me." When I read these verses, the Lord showed some things in my life that I wasn't living for Christ. It amazed me how I had let the world's thinking get in my mind and focus. Watching T.V., movies, etc. The Lord was so good to show me my sin and my error. I want to say with apostle Paul "to live is Christ". That is the best. I just want to challenge and encourage you to examine your heart and what you have let in your heart and where your focus. Can you honestly say "To live is Christ"? He is the best and only way.

A piece missing and a heart broken and the hope to go on

2006-04-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

It was always, my mom and dad, my two sisters, and my grandma and my grandpa. That was the closest people to me growing up. And now, there is a piece missing from that group of people, my grandma. She died from a heart attack five months ago and a part of me is still much in the grieving process. We were some what alike. We both loved to write stories and poems. We loved talking about shows on T.V. and how we could change the story lines for the better. We loved shopping and going to tea. And she gave me my first bible when I was fourteen, and the Lord used that in my life and a year later, I came to Christ and my life hasn't been the same since then. Now, I miss her so much. And watching my grandpa being heartbroken, makes it worse. But, the Lord is the One who gives me the comfort and the hope and the strength to keep going. He is my Rock, my firm foundation. He reminds me of His purpose for me when I lose sight of it.

Finding where my real security lies

2006-04-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

This past year has been interesting for me and painful too. I moved out on my own for the first time and that was a wake up call. It has been lonely sometimes and freeing sometimes too. But I'm found that before I had put my security in my family, friends, or things. And, now, when I feel lonely, the Lord has been teaching me that my security is in Him alone and not in people or circumstances. I am busy alot of the time but when I do have a quiet day, I feel lonely or stupid because I'm not doing anything. The reason why I feel this way is I have let the world's expectations of who I'm suppose to be and what I should be doing. The Lord keeps telling me to stop listening to the world and to listen to Him. He is the One who has made me and for His glory. And if He does give me a quiet day, it's probably because I need to rest and spend more time with Him. Its sad how I have let the world get to me but I'm thankful of how the Lord is showing me His truth and how He frees me from the world's expectations. He loves me and that is to be grateful alone.

Who is my best friend?

2006-03-23T22:15:00.000-08:00

What makes a best friend? Loyalty, compassion, security, someone who you can always talk to, who knows the good and bad of you and who still love you anyway, kind, gracious, etc..Well, I want to tell you about my best friend, besides my mom, dad, sisters, some close friends. My best friend is the Lord Jesus Christ. I don't know what or who you think Jesus may be, but let me share just the change and hope He has brought in my life. I met Him when I was fifteen. I had always known about Him but never actually knew Him. I remember how empty I felt before and how useless I felt. Then, a friend came and told me about Jesus. Man, I remember thinking this is really going to change my life. And it did! One thing about Jesus is that He is real and He really cares and loves me. That became grounded in me for the next two years of my life. He showed me that I didn't need a guy or anything else but Him to be happy. His love was enough for me. "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Jeremiah 31:3 When I was seventeen,one of my friends drowned and that was the first time i really had to deal with death. The tears, the confusion, and the pain of it all made me cry out to God for answers. He filled me with hope and a peace and I knew I was going to be okay. One thing the Lord had to work on me is that I am a sinner like everyone else. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23 I thought that I was a good person but the Lord began to reveal sin in my life, like pride, selfishness, anger, envying, jealousy, the fear of man instead of the fear of God,etc. And because of my sin, Jesus died for me. "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21 The Lord taught that nothing can seperate me from Him. Romans 8:38-39 Soon, God became my life,the reason why I did things, and the hope on which I stood on. But, the Lord taught me things in the next few years of my life that was hard and to show me how much I really need Him everyday. When I was nineteen, my mom and sister moved out of state and I moved into my grandparents house. That was a huge adjustment and my security was rocky. Soon, laying it at Jesus' feet, He showed me that He is my security, my refuge and my shelter. He let me cry through my pain and of the fear of the unknown and He always let me know He is there and He has a wonderful plan for my life. I know I can trust in Him.

My dear daughter- a poem

2006-03-20T20:38:00.001-08:00

As tears filled my eyes as despair and insecurity fills my troubled heart,
the questions of who i am, the thoughts of worthlessness screams inside me.
Crawling into your arms, I pour out my heart to You. You wrap your arms around me and listen to my every word and feel my every pain.
then, with an amazing love, You smile and say gently the words I long to hear.
"My dear daughter, do not be troubled. You were fearfully and wonderfully made; You were made by Me and for Me. I saved you from sin, from yourself and from hell. I began a good work in you and I promise I'll perfect it until I come back. Even in your weaknesses, my grace is sufficient for you. My power is perfected in your weakness. My sweet daughter, you are Mine. I have blessed you with every spirtual blessing in heaven in Christ. I am everything you need. I love you."
Tears of joy and relief flooded my eyes as your truth freed my heart, Thank you for loving me so much, my Jesus.

My first blog.

2006-03-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

Here it is, my first blog. To write down my thoughts on various things and to share what my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is doing in my life. I know this one is a short blog. I'm a little tired and words are coming out as blah, blah, blah. So, as for tonight, good night and God bless.